Ever wondered what's that in-between space, like what's shared between on-off couples such as Eminem and his ex-wife, Kate Moss and Pete Dorothy? While they are hardly examples of conjugal success, they can't seem to be able to work out splitsville to their favour either. Well, they are still obviously in love, or else why would exes patch up against all odds!
Sometimes, when day-to-day demands clutter around us, we lose sight of that beautiful feeling called love which drew us to our mate in the first place. When the honeymoon is over and 'real' life kicks into full gear with kids clamouring for attention and increasingly demanding jobs and rising bills closing in their menacing jaws all around us, love takes a backseat in life.
As going out for a movie together or going to check out that new restaurant in town, just the two of you, increasingly become a thing of the past, life begins to revolve from one chore to the next, one deadline to the next. And as little joys fly out of the window one by one, you wake up one day and sunshine doesn't register anymore. The dark grey clouds gradually take their toll on our psyche (often without our own realisation!) and we begin to blame the person closest to us for our unhappiness – usually our spouse.
Why rethink?
This precursor to divorce may not be the exact fit to your case, but snatches of it are bound to come uncannily close. While it may not be possible to undo all the wrong already done to the relationship, it is still possible to salvage it without any lasting damage if both people involved really put their mind to doing it. The effort would begin to seem worth it if one takes time off to mull over immeasurable advantages involved. By deciding to stick together you will not only be saving your kids a lot of trauma and anguish, but your own selves as well; divorce is known to be a serious cause of depression among people. Moreover, it takes a lot to build a meaningful relationship with a person in the first place and it's quite an effort to start all over again with a completely new person, especially in the later part of your life. So, in case you are willing to give it a second thought, here's a little help:
Seek a counsellor
Seeking help from a marriage counsellor might sound a clich but sometimes they may help break down barriers in communication, which often create bumps in a relationship in the first place. Breakdown of communication or miscommunication is a bigger problem in any failed relationship than we seem to realise. Prejudices that crop up over time cloud our objectivity and here a third person can help a great deal. A couple on the verge of a divorce usually reflects very poor levels of inter-personal communication and very often they are relegated to quarrels and verbal abuse. A counsellor can help a couple see through the prejudices and sort out the mess in several sessions.
Get intimate
Often a couple filing for a divorce have gone through a long fallow period as far as intimacy is concerned. Sex is an integral part of a marriage and a poor love life creates havoc with the relationship in the long run. Take time off to introspect when and how the spark died down in the first place. When was it that either of you started taking the other for granted? While physical attraction is a given in the initial phase of a relationship, as time goes on, it requires a little creative thinking to keep the flame burning. Sexual complacence is the worst mistake a couple can commit. However, it's never too late to rekindle that fire. Start looking at your partner with fresh eyes, play those silly games again, think kinky and you can begin to have fun all over again!
Separation period
It's not without reason that there is a six-month separation period involved before the actual divorce. Sometimes putting a little distance between each other can help you get a better perspective into the relationship. If you sense a 'miss you' feeling in the separation period, it's a clear sign that love has survived against all odds and that it's not too late to mend matters!
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